Sometimes, You Are Your Misfortune
Other times, people are just moving mad. Here is how to tell the difference.
“I have always blamed myself for either my mistake or that of others, I usually will think perhaps I didn't do something right that was why ABC couldn't also do it right. I take responsibility too much and it burdening me as well.”
This was one of the responses I received for last week’s NAN and honestly, I totally relate to the dilemma this NAN reader is facing. So instead of addressing a new topic, this will be a reactive NAN.
People who do not want to take responsibility for their mistakes are suffering almost the same entrapment as those who want to take responsibility for every mistake. I have tried to find if this has its own name but I haven’t seen it, yet. However, here is a simple system that I have written about in the past that I will like to accentuate, again.
Two sides of a coin
When I gradually started learning to stop blaming others for my misfortunes, I faced a different type of challenge; I blamed myself for every little thing. Even though in retrospection, some of them were actually things I didn’t have enough power to change at that point (this is a cognitive bias on its own). Case in point:
While the past is usually really hazy, depending on how many times you go over it (and in some cases, reconstruct it in your head), the present usually gives more control. The pill for the present, then, is to always categorise your reaction into two:
Things you can control;
Things you can’t control.
The reason I typically do this is to understand if an error is mine or someone else’s so that I can know whose responsibility it is to fix the mistake. I must admit though, that this can be very tasking, especially as you may often fall in a situation where ego takes the rein but this type of introspection is very necessary.
By identifying what fault is truly yours and what error is for someone else, you can take actions based on the things you can control and encourage others to do the same. So, if you failed an exam for instance; a) did you fail it because you the lecturer does not like your face b) did you fail it because you overestimated your understanding of the course’s objectives?
If truly, it is A, then; i) what can you do within your power to fix it? ii) what can the other person do within their power to fix it? If it is B, then use the same logic. By breaking this down into bits, knowing whose mistake it is and who is in the right position to fix it, can help you take responsibility for your flaws and encourage others to do the same.
But for this to work, you have to be really honest with yourself. Can you do that?
TEA
Last week at the office, we started a pretty little modification of one of my favourite projects, the #HumAngleNewsreel. Please watch the video here:
The second episode of the #SurvivingLagos series (which I won’t shut up about) was also released last week. You can start from here too:
Away from me and my projects, here is something I am almost certain you did not know until now:
I shared this with a senior researcher and it checks out. Mind-blowing ey?
Finally, and perhaps, as a reminder, I like this tweet from Moe:
Today is 6/9/2021. That’s a cute little joke; I love it!!!
Have a blast this week and stay abreast of all entrapments. Own your future!
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Be nice to other people, smile as much as you can, and live freely. Have a great week.
✌✌